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Writer's pictureJoëlle de Boer

My fathers

Father's Day.. it's that time again, just like every year. After not having published a post around this time last year, I thought it's about time. This is a blog post, to all my fathers. A tribute to them all. You probably wonder why I say all my fathers. Since having 2 mothers, having multiple fathers is a different story. Besides my biological father, I have never had any other kind of physical parenting father in my life.


In addition to my biological father, I also have my fantasy father and my ancestors who assist me in my life. For my fantasy father, thank you for being by my side all my life. That you're proud of me, you make me feel good when life doesn't go as I had planned it. You have been the male figure in my head that has helped me come out of my shell and accept who I really am. And even though you're not around much anymore, since I don't really need you anymore, I know you'll always be there for me. Thank you very much for that.


Now a tribute to my ancestors. The men standing behind me in my line. None of them, besides my grandfather on my biologicial mother's side, I have ever met. But they are part of my existence. Without the choices they have made with their partners, I would not have been here at all. If one of them hadn't decided to have children, there would be no existence for me. And even if I hadn't known that would have happend, I'm still glad I'm here. You have brought me to where I am today.


My grandfather, the only one on my biological mother's side, I have a personal message for him. Dear Grandpa, as I have often said, you showed me how to love someone. How a man should behave. When I first saw you standing next to my father, the circle was complete. Two of the important men in my life have met. The man who was my only father for the first 16 years of my life, and the man who is actually my biological father. Dear grandpa, you were there first, you know that, don't you? I love you dearly, and I am very happy with you.


Dad, my father, yes that's how I refer to you, even though it's still hard for me to say it to your face, but yes I've said it to you a number of times too, a while ago, and you didn't seem to to find something rare of it. Perhaps it is also a small inside joke to me to mock the whole donor conception industry, because ''oh soon a donor child will get confused because of this.'' I can already hear the fertility industry and parents say. I think I also do it just to normalize my life. I have known you for more than 4 years, since March 2017, during this time you have remained a part of my life. I've never spent Father's Day with you and I realized that this week. But for the first time, we spend this day with my half-brother at your place, quite unexpectedly. Thank you for the genes, and thank you for simply always being your authentic self. And as I often say, on to a future with nice things ahead.


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