Missing Side
The story of a donor conceived person
By Joëlle de Boer
Be sure to follow me on all my social media
ABOUT ME
I (Joëlle Domenica) was born on 5 October 2000. My 2 mothers were over the moon with their little princess.
After first taking care of me for a few years, until I went to kindergarten, then my little sister was born in 2003.
I have always had known that I am a donor conceived. The first story I can remember from when I was told was from when I was 6 years old.
We were in the kitchen when my mothers told me they had bought ''seed'' at a ''seed bank''.
When I was 10 years old I bought a laptop from my birthday money with a little bit of help.
Then I for the first time I searched on google on the word donor child. Then I found a page where I found all my rights that I have as a donor conceived person. I had read that as a child of a B donor (ID release donor) that I could meet my donorfather when I was 16 years old.
And that if I was 12 years old I could ask for a donorpaper with social and physical data from my donorfather.
The first time I went to the AMC I met one of the nurses that inseminated my mother at the time a long time ago. She said she would search for my donorpaper and send it to me. After nothing had came out of it for a year, we went back to the clinic and we were then sent to the donorpaper department. Unfortunately, my donorpaper was not above ground but in the basement. They would send it to me. The donorpaper was at our house after 2 weeks.
"I always wanted to have half brothers and sisters. I thought the opportunity was gone after I saw my donorpaper. "
- Joëlle
"I always wanted to have half brothers and sisters.
I thought the opportunity was gone after I saw my donor passport. "
- Joëlle
I have often asked my parents as a child if I could have half brothers and sisters through my donor father.
They didn't think so because the donor was special chosen for them, I was always told. My hope had always been that my father had children of his own, but the donorpaper he filled in in 2003 stated that he had no wife or children at the moment and that, according to him, that would not change anymore. But now I know that through his sperm 19 pregnancies have been through the clinic of which my sister and I are 2 of them. So it may be that I have more or less than 17 half-brothers and sisters walking around. It may be more if there are twins or less if there are miscarriages. I am now aware that 7 pregnancies of donor E19 have been successful and that 8 children have came out of it. The others from donor E19 have not yet reported. That's are at least 12 half-brothers and sisters. Of which 1 half-brother or half-sister was conceived with sperm that was shipped to a clinic without a sperm bank in Assen. AMC is not sure about that pregnancy because they have not heard back whether or not a child has been conceived with the sperm. And that are only the half siblings from AMC, because my father also helped women with a wish of becoming a mother through a mother wish website. 13 children have been conceived that way. That means that I am the oldest sister (with 2 older half brothers) of at least 32 half brothers and sisters. How crazy is that ?!
The relationship with my father
The first meeting that I had with my father was on March 1 2017. At our first meeting, I was at first alone with him and we talked and I had time to ask the questions I had all of my life. Then at first my sister joined and later on our parents came also and we talked together. We talked to each other and we exchanged contact details at the end. He lets me take the course. I can indicate what I want and he would like to get to know me and I want to get to know him. I take it easy. I have school and also my own life in which I certainly don't want to lose him.I just have to find out where I want to place him in my life. And that changes by the day. But I know since I know my father that I can finally look in to the miror and I get to know myself. Almost all of my wishes came true. I have a amazing father, I have met my uncle because of him and some of my half siblings I also met because of my father. And also the wish to know were I came from came true. My father started to make his own family tree just a few months before we met each other and he almost started making his family tree at the same time when I started to make my own family tree of my mothers side of family tree.
My expectations of meeting and having a relationship with my half siblings
My half brothers and half sisters is another story. In the past as a child it was always a dream from me to have such a large family with brothers and sisters just like ''house on the prairie ''. What I get is not entirely true. But I would like to see recognition in my half-brothers and sisters, that seems very nice to me. We should have to discuss how we are going to complement each other's lives together. For all of my half brothers and sisters you are welcomed with open arms by me. At the moment I am building a relationship with my half-brothers who found me through this blog.
And there are a number of other half-brothers and sisters with whom I have contact at the moment. Some I meet with in real life and other who I have only spoken to online thorugh chat. Some I have never met and with others I am very close. There are also half siblings that don't want any contact at the moment or don't know that they have any half siblings because there parents don't tell them that.