Having contact with unknown family is a big step in your life. Not having contact is ended after years. You have no history together and you also don't know what the other is like, what kind of relationship you want, what all this means to you. Your life is going to change, and which way that is is completely up to you. What kind of space you give to your ''new'' family.
I opened my heart to my half siblings/ paternal family and gave them a space in my life. With some I app and talk regularly, others I speak occasionally, and some prefer to have a lot of fun with each other in real life. Unfortunately, there are also half brothers and half sisters with whom I have no permanent open contact. I've never had a full conversation with them where we met or they've officially cut-off contact with us. I find the last one the most difficult, since they then told me personally on text that they wanted to cut-off contact (for now). These were mainly half siblings that we had only just had contact with. For many of them the feeling of the amount of half brothers and half sisters became too much.
As far as they told why they broke off contact (for now). I wish I could help. That I could reassure them, and tell them how beautiful the contact can be. That the level of contact is completely up to them, that they have to indicate that above all. I wish I could take the shock, the weird feeling of it away from them. And that I was able to show them what wonderful people I am now in contact with. The life of a donor conceived person isn't all fun and games, you know. It's a roller coaster, with ups and downs. There is no rule book for it, just all the experiences you have with your half brothers some hers and half sisters. Each group with half brothers and half sisters, and each donor child has their own opinion and experience. You have to reset every time. They will be in a very different phase of processing all this. The acceptance that this is the reality.
It can make you sad, I know how that feels. Or you might be surprised if you get a reaction from a half brother or half sister that you didn't expect. It also shows which side of the relationship you are on. Are you someone who has been part of your half-brothers or half-sisters group from the very beginning? Or are you someone who joined later. You may be surprised. How open some ''strangers'' are towards you. How warmhearted. You may have never felt this sense of how people care about you. It's definitely weird too. Not something that happens to you everyday. But it's certainly not something I regret ever contacting them either. These wonderful, sweet, talented, creative people. From all over the Netherlands. I know most of them are gonna be a part of my life until the end. It's an addition that I don't want to get rid of. If you are a donor conceived person thinking about reaching out, have no fear. It's a beautiful thing. Are you overwhelmed? Call and talk about it with your half brothers and half sisters. Choose a confidant and talk about it. Let a half brother and half sister take your shock away. Don't ignore your new family, initially when you find them, or when they find you. Have a video call, or have a drink or lunch together. Find out what all this means to you. Don't leave it at texting or email contact.
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