Connected to a Cousin by Facebook

You meet many people in life. Some expected, some not. Here is the story of how I came into contact with a cousin on my father's side, without initially knowing that we were family. My diary fragment shows how a big surprise it can be to get in touch with family, even if you are not that close related.

26 April 2021

Today I added myself to a group on Facebook for people who have ancestors from Katwijk. On the advice of someone who knew me, and saw that I also have ancestors from this region, just like them. I didn't quite know what to expect. Do I really find something there if I only have 1 great-grandmother with her family who comes from there? I was quickly added to the Facebook group after making a request. After searching for a number of words, I immediately came across a family photo of my 3h great grandfather Dirk Ouwehand, who had been an alderman in Katwijk. I had been looking for this photo for a while, since I had come across acpart of this photo in a biography of Maria Ouwehand. His daughter, a Katwijk streekroman writer.

Very happy I introduced myself and told who my great-great-grandparents were. I asked if distant relatives might still have pictures of them, since I have to get all the information and pictures off the internet. Luckily I got to have a handful of pictures of ancestors because of my father and uncle. I also told them that I was looking for books by Maria Ouwehand. I received responses with photos that I had already found myself. I also got some advice on who else to approach. People who have also researched Katwijk's family history. I also got a response I was not expecting at all. I got a response from my 1st cousin 2x removed. Who is also the full first cousin of my 'grandfather'. My father's father. She told me that my great-great-grandparents are her grandparents. That gave me a shock. Besides my father and uncle, and of course my brothers and sisters, I have never consciously spoken or met any other family on my father's side. She gave me her e-mail address, and when I told them who my great-grandmother is, she briefly mentioned her. I asked her if she would like to share family stories with me so I could write them down for my family tree. She started with that she still had some books for me from Mia, and that there are so many family stories that she doesn't know where to start. We have decided to meet during the holidays in May so that I can pick up the book and she can tell me family stories. I will also explain to her how we are related to each other.

5 May 2021

After a train and bus trip I finally arrived in Katwijk. Got off the bus too early, later it turns out to be that bus stop name had changed and I got off 2 stops early, so that is why I didn't know where to stop. With maps on my almost battery dead phone, I walked for a while until I see the older housing complex. I see her name on the name sign, walk through the building looking for the right house. I stand in front of the house, take a deep breath and see the door slowly open after I ring the bell. My ncousin opens the door, very enthusiastic. I look at her and I see a woman standing, not much older than my grandparents. The funny thing is, I immediately see many features in her face. When I saw her I thought: This is what I'm going to look like when I'm old. All this without having exchanged a word. I step inside, take off my coat, and sit down for a while. I'm offered something to drink and to eat and we chat a bit about who I am, who they are, and our shared history. In the beginning of our conversation I had to tell her how we are related, she knew already that my great-grandmother was her aunt, she had a suspicion about who my grandfather and grandmother were, but she was wrong there. I told her about my life, my mothers, brothers and sisters and that our connection is through my biological father, who has been a sperm donor. When I told who my father was she said ''Oh then x & x are your grandfather and grandmother. I still remember them.” She told me about the past, my great-grandmother, how they sometimes went to visit her with the family, or that she came to visit them in Katwijk. She told us about everything from our family history. Even how my great-grandmother and great-grandfather almost missed each other while meeting up, and would never have seen each other again. What a great story that is to hear. Unfortunately, she didn't really have any photos of our family, besides the photo of her family where she grew up with, and also showing off with the rest of the photos of her grandchildren. Looking at them I see something familiar in many of them. A recognition to myself, my father, and my brothers and sisters. I tell her about my temperament and she tells me that this temperament is typical for this side of our family. My heart got so warm inside. So much recognition. Finally after 2.5-3 hours our meeting came to an end. I had to get back on my way home. I got the book from Mia Ouwehand, which I really cherish. And then went home again, after talking about family for so long.

2 July 2021

It has been a while since I visited Katwijk. Almost 2 months ago to be exact. It's morning, almost noon and I get a notification on my email from my cousin After not emailing for a while after our meeting, she came to check with me how I was doing. 11:38 - ''Hello Joëlle, It's been a while since we emailed each other. How are you? Are you ready for school yet? You are quite busy and you may not have much time to deal with the past. Of course it takes a lot of time. This morning our meeting came back to my mind, hence this email. Joëlle, I often think about our conversation and I hope that you have had good thoughts about it too. I wish you a very nice holiday and I hope you come to Katwijk again to see the graves of your ancestors and family, know that you are always welcome.''' While pasting this email in this text, I shed another tear. I am so glad that I was able to leave a good feeling with her. It's nice to hear that I'm on her mind. The words that touched me most in our meeting. "The first time I saw a picture of you I knew we were family. The recognition of our family in your face.'' I have already emailed back and hopefully we'll see each other again at the end of the summer holidays. I hope one day, who knows in the future, when I have met my grandparents, that I also would love to receive an email from my grandmother like this. I wish life had made us accepting. That hard times about feelings didn't exist, but that we all would do what we wanted, and that it will be normal.