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Writer's pictureJoëlle de Boer

A letter from my 14 year old self


I found a letter from my 14 year old self. I wanted to write a book and then wrote my train of thought about how I would like to meet my donor.


November 19, 2014 ~16 years old~


When I am 16 the time has come: I can meet my donor father. But what will happen?

How am I going to respond and how will he respond to me back. What does he look like, and is he nice? Have I ever seen him when I didn't know who he was? Do I have a lovely family from your side and would they like to meet me? And does he want to keep in touch with me after the first meeting? And if not, is this the end of everything?


Those are all questions that keep haunting my mind. But I have to think carefully if he doesn't want to see after the first meeting, then I have to accept that he doesn't want to see me more often. But can I? Can I accept that when I finally see him and he doesn't want to keep in touch. I also wonder very much how I react when he does not want to have contact with me.


Would I cry? Wouldn't I know what to do with my feelings. Would I accept that he doesn't want any more contact? Or would I accept it and my life just goes on. I don't know how it will go, but I know I have to make the best of it.


And now 3 years later answers to your questions younger Joëlle. You were very nervous the days before the first meet up. You couldn't even sleep. He looked the way you thought and he wasn't living far a way from you. You shouldn't have been so nervous all those days because you did it again, and the conversation went really well.


Because you were prepared with the questionnaire you made. (Which you had to do at the last minute because you lost your other questionnaire. Muddle😂) Your donor father is a nice man you've met 3 times now. He is open to contact. And oh yes you also have half brothers and sisters. You will only find out about this 4 months before your 16th birthday.


After your mothers told you for years that they were told that the donor was just for them. Your moms were a bit shocked at first. Just like you when you secretly rang your phone during class and got the email stating how many half siblings you have. You have a lot of half siblings that you would like to meet. And hopefully one day you can. And then you can say that you have met them all in real life.

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